This week it was reveled to me every single day how little I know and how much God knows.
Monday night we had dinner with one of the Elders investigators. She’s actually from Idaho and is working here in Maryland. She has been studying the bible since she could read and is not afraid to share what she has learned to lovingly tell you you need to rethink your choice of religions.
Now I consider myself fairly well versed in scripture, but she has at least 10-15 years of study on me, and she’s been taught by missionaries for two years. She knows the basics. She waned to get into the deep stuff. Her biggest problem was Joseph Smith and the doctrine of exaltation. She believes to strive to become like God is not only impossible, but mocks God. We were with her for two and a half hours.
It was the deepest discussion I have ever had with someone who is not a member of the church. she understands so much and so the level at which we could talk to her went much further than it normally would. She asked deep and penetrating questions to which all I could say was, “I can speculate and ponder some possible answers, but ultimately I don’t know.”
Tuesday I went on exchanges with a sister who is struggling. She has been an active member of the church for only a year and was baptized only a couple years before that. Shes only been on her mission for three months. Before she left her mother passed away. This sister is struggling more than I’ve ever seen anyone struggle.
Not only that, but I was responsible for talking to her about some obedience issues occurring in the zone. To say I was scared to talk to her in an understatement. She had a meltdown just a few hours into the exchanges and my heart broke for her. Yet, I had no idea what to say. Finally after she finished crying and we sat in silence for a few minutes I looked at her and said, “I don’t know what to say.”
Sunday morning I woke up with so many doubts and fears clouding my mind I couldn’t focus. My mind was full of what-ifs and worries about people I love here and back home. I spent all morning agonizing with The Lord about possible scenarios. Finally I went to my closet to pray, got on my knees, and poured out my heart to my Heavenly Father. Ultimately i had to say, “I don’t know what’s going to happen.”
But my prayer didn’t stop there, I continued by telling my Heavenly Father, “I don’t know whats going to happen but you do.” In each of those circumstances i could not rely on my own knowledge, my own experiences, or even my own feelings. I had to rely on my all knowing Father in Heaven.
I don’t know who’s ready to receive The Gospel, I don’t know what people will accept our invitation, but God does! I don’t know whats going to happen to me tomorrow, or next week, or even 6 months from now when I go home! But God does!!
He has shown my who is prepared to receive The Gospel. He has led those who are willing to make and keep commitments to the missionaries. he has reassured me over and over again that everything is going to be ok.
President Uchtdorf said, “Faith is Trust.” And all of us at some point will be backed into a corner of faith. I have loved this week where i have been brought down into submission and humility because it has shown me how great My Omniscient God truly is. He “Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6) and I love Him and what He does for me everyday.
This week has changed my heart and my life and I am truly grateful for it. I can’t wait to see what this week has in store!! I love you all and pray you will be strong, be brave, and be happy.
Love, Sister Johnson